Failure for Success

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I LOVE structure and planning and goal setting. I'm just one of those people who likes to ensure I plan well so I don't failure. As the saying goes, those who fail to plan, plan to fail. Every time I hear that, I want to jump up and shout, "AMEN"! So, what happens when the planner lays out a strategy, sticks to it, and fails anyway. I experienced that today and am pondering that very question. Did I not plan correctly? Did I not purpose the correct amount of time needed for successful completion? Did I not take it seriously? Does answering yes to any of the above questions mean that I deserved or planned to fail because I failed to plan correctly? Honestly, I still haven't figured out the answer, but I am still learning to embrace each process of life the Lord has me in.

I am currently in a process of trusting in the Lord, in "deciding" to believe what he has shown me is my purpose and calling even though I don't see it coming to pass anytime soon. I went through a struggling season not long ago, when I had an "awakening" of what I am gifted to to and love to do and am currently NOT employed at doing. I was so unhappy, but I realized how much I was dishonoring the Lord out of not being content where I was and not being a good steward because I was not focused on what I should be. I decided that I would trust the Lord to fulfill what he has for me, and in the meantime, I'd purpose to be the focused employee that my company expects.

A few months ago, the leaders in my department asked me to take a test for an accreditation to help our company. I gladly said yes, not totally understanding why I'd need it if it doesn't have anything to do with my calling, but I didn't question it. I decided to trust in the Lord without knowing the plan or purpose to have this accreditation. I planned out study times and worked it around my scheduled, along with making sure to be faithful to myself to keep the study time allotted. I went about my normal schedule without taking on too many strenuous activities, as not to over load myself, and by all accounts it looked like a well devised plan.

About a month ago, I decided to take a leap of faith by "falling into the Lord's arms", which is what I kept feeling him tell me to do, by purchasing a net book to begin writing a book. Two days later, I was asked to become involved in another opportunity at work for planning and employee education in the area I was studying to become accredited in! I was in a daze. I kept asking the Lord, what do you want me to do? I have to explain, I've always been the type of control freak to not take a leap of faith unless I could see where I was leaping to and that there was always ground for me to land on. I just didn't know what the Lord wanted from me.

As the test date drew near, I decided to keep walking by faith. I kept confidence in the Lord, trusting he would guide me as needed, to pass the test. I kept hearing, "fall into my arms". I kept saying, Lord I know you have a plan whether I pass or fail. I NEVER EXPECTED TO FAIL! Now the question comes, did I mean everything I said? Do I really believe he has a plan when I fail? What happens when the control freak, lets go, trusts God, and fails?

Even as I write I am realizing that often times, what I see as a failure, he has planned for my success. I once read somewhere that, "how you handle failure, will determine your success". I've realized that failure can be used as a guide for direction to show what path not to take, so is it really "failure" then, or my personal road map to success. I've come to realize in life how powerful perception really is. It does matter if it's the truth or not, but how one sees the truth to be.

So what happens when the planner has planned correctly and failed? I don't know yet, but I'll let everyone know on the other side of this process I'm in. What I do know, is that my God is faithful to finish the awesome, amazing work he has begun in me and everything in my life will be used for his glory.